Rabbi discusses misconception of intimacy

Send Page To a Friend Rabbi discusses misconception of intimacy By Cecelia Dunford Collegian Staff Writer Rabbi Manis Friedman said people are looking for intimacy in all the wrong places during a lecture Thursday. Friedman, an author, philosopher and world-renowned speaker, discussed the misconception people have about intimacy and sex as a guest speaker of Chabad of Penn State. Friedman said sex and intimacy are not related at all, contrary to popular belief. He defined intimacy as a person’s “desire to become one” with another person and said sex interferes with that intimacy by separating people because sex is an act that is “selfish” of an individual. True intimacy, Friedman said, is not dependent on a material thing or outside force, but is dependent on each person in a relationship’s ability to completely dissolve themselves into their relationship. He added they should not expect to “get anything out of the relationship,” which, he said, is how most people view an intimate relationship. Friedman wrote a book on the topic of intimacy and modesty, “Doesn’t Anyone Blush Anymore?” He further explains the need for a better understanding of intimacy in a modern and changing world. Co-director of Chabad of Penn State Sarah Meretsky said Friedman brought insight into how intimacy is a religious experience. She said she thought the topic of intimacy would be beneficial for students because it brings awareness of the importance of meaningful relationships in contrast to meaningless ones or “hook-ups.” She said students lose sight of self-respect for themselves and for relationships. Although Friedman stressed the difference between sex and intimacy, he said he wasn’t claiming sex was a bad thing, but said without intimacy, sex is just that, a “thing.” “When you reduce intimacy to sex, you’re reducing it to soup; there’s nothing special about it,” Friedman said. In order to have a lasting relationship, love cannot be dependent on material things, Friedman added. Senior Elaine Arsenault (senior-psychology) said she thought Friedman presented a valid point for people to “get beyond material things” in order to have meaningful relationships. Friedman said intimacy is not a simple matter a person can grasp instantly. “You need wisdom, nobility and an ability to get beyond all your ‘things’, sexual pleasures included, to reach intimacy,” Friedman added. Quoting comedian George Carlin, he said people need to “get past all our stuff” to achieve “true” intimacy. Friedman is married to Chana Friedman, and they have 14 children. Born in Czechoslovakia in 1946, his family immigrated to the United States in 1950. In 1971 he founded Bais Chana Institute of Jewish Studies. It is the world’s first yeshiva exclusively for women, where he currently serves as dean of the university. A biblical scholar with an expertise of Jewish mysticism, Rabbi Friedman has been featured in the New York Times, Rolling Stone and Seventeen magazine along with making appearances on CNN and BBC. hip,” which, he said, is how most people view an intimate relationship.

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