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Notes from Bais Chana Class

"An evil inclination is when you simply say, 'my need comes first.' "
"One rule in all relationships: When you make the other person feel like who they are, they will adore you and forever feel indebted. "
"G-d = The original existence who was all alone and had a desire.
If a person shoudl ahve known, hes not excused for ignorance. If it could not have been known to him, hes excused.
A healthy person is someone whoès body doesnèt interfere with his intelligent mind as it pursues the purpose for which he exists.
There is no sin you can commit that will ever prevent you from becoming holy again. Because innocense in natural and came first. If you can go the other way, you can surely come back to what you started with.
When someone is in pain, you dont try to take it away; You share it with them.
If someone doesnèt have any responsibility or purpose, they become severely depressed because they arent necessary.
The further away you are, the greater the joy in coming closer.
No indivudual can ever be too unholy for a mitzvah because no one is truly holy enough to do something for G-d..and yet He still wants it from us.
Consequences dont determine whether something is wrong. The definition of right and wrong are determined according to the rules that existed before you got there.
A healthy person doesnèt have to do unnatural things in order to feel good.
People are afraid to think of inequality because they are faraid of their immorality.
Immorality means: If you are superior, you are not allowed to take advantage of someone elses inferiority.
Idolatry: G-d created the world, and now I decide what happens.

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Transcript:


The Rabbi and the Secret - Part I
Rabbi Manis Friedman

There is a book called "The Secret". I don't know if you've heard about it. It's a tiny little book. It's not a Jewish book. And it talks about the power of positive thinking. Maybe it could be a bit of an exaggeration, you know, it's hype, but basically it's on target. It's correct. One of the people, one of the contributors in the book, his name is John Assaraf, and he wrote a follow-up book on The Secret.

So a couple of months ago, near San Diego, there was a program the shluchim (emissaries) made that was called The Torah and The Secret. And he spoke and basically said like this – he said when you think positive, your thoughts have a very positive and powerful affect. So he creates like a visual board. You hang it up on the wall and you put all your positive thoughts on the board. He has a book about it, how you do this. Now he says that he moved from Chicago to this very expensive house outside of San Diego, and he was unpacking. And one of the things he unpacked was his visual board. And he realized that while living in Chicago many years earlier he had created a board of what he sees his future to be. One of the things that he hung up on the board is a picture of a house that he cut out of a magazine. This is the kind of house he envisions for his own future. As he was unpacking it and he saw the house that he had clipped out of a magazine, he realized that he had just moved into that house. Not a house like it, that house.

So he explained, how does it work. How does it work that your thoughts can affect gashmius, can affect physical reality? So he went into a whole thing that according to science the whole world, even a physical object, is not a fixed and permanent thing. It's all fluid. Even the laws of nature, they're all fluid. So since everything is always moving, everything is always in movement, your thoughts can move it in one direction or another. So your thinking has an affect even on physical reality. He explained the whole theory of the principle of uncertainty in science – that since the atoms are made up of moveable parts and the electrons are always running around and jumping away – so you never know where the buildings blocks of a physical thing, where they're going and what they're gonna do a minute from now. And that's why it's possible for your thoughts to actually change reality. It's all pretty sophisticated stuff and people were very impressed. He is a high powered speaker. He's one of these great motivational, you know, he speaks, gets $25,000 for a speech, this is the big time.

Where is this in Torah? Where do we see it is in the Torah? So I wanted to deliver it, explain it in the most simple – for people who never, don't know what Torah is. Why are your words or your thoughts so powerful? So when he finished speaking I mentioned that right at the beginning of the Torah we are given the same secret. So it hasn't been a secret for at least 3000 years.

The secret is – G-d created the world, how? By saying. He said.

What happened on Shabbos (the Sabbath)? V'yonach bayom hashvii (And on the seventh day He rested). So what happened on Shabbos? He still has to create the world or it wouldn't exist but it's Shabbos. So what happens on Shabbos is that He creates the world not with dibbur (speech), but with machshava (thought). So during the week the world is created with words. On Shabbos the world is created with thought. That's why Shabbos is holier than the rest of the week, because thought is higher than dibbur. Behind it all, what brings the world into existence? Kall asher chofetz Hashem asa (Everything G-d desired, He did). By the fact that the Aibishter (G-d) wants it, that makes it happen.

So now we have 3 things – the word, the thought, and the ratzon (will). The Aibishter wants, it happens. That's why when you think, or speak, or even want, you're affecting the whole world. Cause the whole world, the olam hagashmi is a response to words, thoughts and ratzon.

Now in the book The Secret, which basically tells you stuff that you already know, only it exaggerates it a little, there's one interesting statement, which was surprising to find it in a secular book. They discovered that thinking is very powerful. But positive thoughts are more powerful than negative thoughts. Which is really interesting. They don't explain it. They don't have an explanation. But they notice that this is true. Machshava (thought) is very powerful, but positive machshava is more powerful than negative machshava. Why is that? The explanation in Torah is very simple. The whole world is vibrating in response to the Aibishter's word. If you say a positive word, your energy, your word now joins the Aibishter's word and adds an impact. If you say something negative it has an affect but it's just your word, it's not joining the Aibishter's word so it can't have as much of an affect.

When you have a positive machshava, then you're thinking in the same path, in the same line as the Aibishter is thinking, so obviously your machshava is gonna have a bigger impact. If your ratzon (will) is the same that the Aibishter wants then of course your ratzon is gonna be more powerful.

So that explains everything. It explains why your thought can have an affect, how, and it explains why a positive affect is stronger than a negative affect. So when we say, “Tracht gut vet zayn gut”, (think good it will be good) what is “tracht gut” (think good)? What's good? If you think, for example, whatever the Aibishter wants is fine with me, is that called “tracht gut”? It's not. Why is that not good? It sounds good. Whatever kall asher asa HaKodesh Baruch Hu (all that G-d does) is fine with me. That's not good? That's good emuna. That's not good getracht (thinking). “Tracht gut” means think what He's thinking. Don't just say whatever He's thinking is fine. So “tracht gut” means think what He's thinking. Want what He wants. How do you know what He wants? Since the Aibishter is etzem hatov (the essence of good), and ainei mevakesh ella lefikocham (he only asks according to ones ability), since the Aibishter wants to do good, and He does good according to your understanding, so if you're thinking, “I am sure that I'm going to be well”, or that “my child is going to be cured”, that's what the Aibishter is thinking. So when your machshava (thought) matches His machshava (thought), it brings that machshava down to earth and it actually happens begashmius (in physicality).

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Women Dive Into Jewish Studies, Literally
by Malina Saval - Chabad.org

Jewish college students study a text as part of Bais Chana International’s Snorkel and Study program in Key Largo, Fla.


Vashti Aguilar dove headfirst into Jewish studies – literally. The 19 year-old sophomore at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio, had never been particularly observant, but she was always curious about her Judaism. So when an opportunity in January arose to travel to Key Largo, Fla., the diving capital of the world, and partake in a week-long “Snorkel and Study” retreat for college students sponsored by Bais Chana International, Aguilar jumped at the chance – wet suit, mask, fins and all.

“It was a really spiritual experience,” gushes Aguilar, who was born in Venezuela but grew up in the Chicago area. “I’d never been scuba diving and it was just so amazing to be underwater in the ocean and seeing all these wonders of G-d. It really connected to what we were learning. It was really beautiful.”

Snorkel and Study is one of several dozen programs conducted year-round by Bais Chana, a Chabad-Lubavitch organization that was founded in 1971 by Rabbi Moshe and Mindy Feller and Rabbi Manis Friedman in Minnesota to provide a non-judgmental and supportive environment for Jewish girls and women to explore Jewish teachings and traditions in a compelling and enlightening way.

Today, it runs satellite programs in cities across North America and abroad, catering to everyone from teenage girls to single moms and offering scholarships for those in need. Listed as one of the top women’s empowerment groups on Greatnonprofits.org, Bais Chana serves Jewish communities all over the world.

“We are always looking to diversify,” says Hinda Leah Sharfstein, who first came to the program as a participant in 1980 and today serves as its executive director. “We do long-weekend programs for teens, women’s programs, programs for single moms. The programs range from five days to three weeks. We also have an advanced learning program for people who have outgrown the entry level classes in their local communities.”

This year’s summer programs include a Women’s Study Retreat in Massachusetts’ Berkshire Mountains, a Jewish Un-Camp for teens in Haliburton, Ontario, and a Women’s Advanced Studies Retreat in Minneapolis.

“The experience was intense,” says Diane Hahn, a 67-year-old Jewish educator who divides her time between Wisconsin and Florida and has attended several Bais Chana study retreats over the past six years. “After my first retreat I remember thinking [that] I never knew so much information existed about Judaism! I could not get over the amount of knowledge the people who taught the program had. I could not get enough. It made me more and more aware of the vast amount of ‘Jewishness’ that is out there. For me, it was the beginning of a long journey. I still feel that I have miles to go.”

For Sheerli Rush, a 39-year-old clinical psychologist from Cleveland, Bais Chana offered up the respect and dignity that in her experience as a single mom, was often lacking in the outside secular world.

“From both an emotional and spiritual perspective the experience was life transforming,” declares Rush, who took part in a four-day retreat for single moms. “It completely shifted my perception of my self-worth as a woman and helped me move toward a process of healing.”

From the nutritious and delicious food to the high level of intellectual and academic instruction, the program gave Rush a bolstered sense of self-esteem. This, says Sharfstein, is one of the things Bais Chana does best: make Jewish women feel inspired and whole and that they have much to contribute to society.

“I was nurtured in every way – physically, emotionally and spiritually,” says Rush. “The instructors were brilliant. One specialized in parenting, another one talked to us about intimacy. They addressed topics that were very relevant to where we were in our lives.

“There was an overall sense of respect for where we were in the journey,” she adds. “I left there feeling more grounded. As a single mom you often feel a sense of disconnect, asking yourself, ‘Where do I belong?’ Bais Chana made me stop and think: Yes I do count. Yes I do matter. Yes there is hope for me.”

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Why Is Torah Law So Restrictive of Contact Between the Genders?

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Why Is Torah Law So Restrictive of Contact Between the Genders?

By Manis Friedman


Question:

I understand that Torah law forbids all physical contact between a man and a woman -- or even for them to be alone in a room together -- unless they are first-degree relatives or married to each other. This applies to any man and any woman, regardless of their ages or whether or not they are sexually attracted to each other. And then there are all those rules about "modest" dress. Isn't that carrying it a bit far? Are we really such animals?

Answer:

When a man and woman are together in a room, and the door closes, that is a sexual event. Not because of what is going to happen, but what has already happened. It may not be something to make novels of, but it is a sexual occurrence, because male and female is what sexuality used to be all about.

It is true that in our world today, in the "free world" certainly, people have, on the whole, stopped thinking in these terms. What happened was that we started putting up all these defenses, getting steeled, inured, against the constant exposure and stimulation of men and women sharing all sorts of activities -- co-educational school, camps, gyms -- is that we started blocking out groups of people. We can't be as naturally sexual as G-d created us to be. When a man says, "I have a woman friend, but we're just friends, nothing more, I'm not attracted to her in any sexual way, she's not my type," you've got to ask yourself what is really going on here. Is this a disciplined person? Or is this a person who has died a little bit?

What does he mean "she's not my type?" When did all this typing come into existence? It's all artificial. It's not true to human sexuality. And it really isn't even true in this particular context because given a slight change of circumstance, you could very easily be attracted. After all, you are a male, she's a female. How many times does a relationship begin that is casual, neighborly, and then suddenly becomes intimate? The great awakening of this boy and girl who are running around, doing all sorts of things, sharing all sorts of activities, and lo and behold, they realize -- what drama, what drama -- that they are attracted to each other. These are grown-ups, intelligent human beings, and it caught them by surprise. It's kind of silly.

So closing a door should be recognized as a sexual event. And you need to ask yourself: Are you prepared for this? Is it permissible? Is it proper? If not, leave the door open. Should men and women shake hands? Should it be seen as an intimate gesture? Should any physical contact that is friendly be considered intimate? Hopefully, it should.

These laws are not guarantees against sin. They have never completely prevented it. There are people who dress very modestly. They cover everything. They sin. It's a little more cumbersome but they manage. All these laws are not just there to lessen the possibility of someone doing something wrong. They also preserve sexuality -- because human sexuality is what G-d wants. He gave us these laws to preserve it, to enhance it -- and makes sure it's focused to the right places and circumstances -- not to stifle it.

We have become callous about our sexuality. Even in marriage, a kiss on the run cheapens it, makes it callous -- then we run to the therapist for advice. And do you know what the therapist who charges $200 an hour for his advice says? He tells the couple not to touch each other for two weeks. Judaism tells you that free of charge. Yes, there are two weeks each month during which a husband and wife don't touch. This therapy has been around for 3000 years. And it still works. It's a wonderful idea.

When you don't close the door on yourself and that other person, you are recognizing your own sexuality. You are acknowledging the sexuality of the other person. Being modest, recognizing our borders, knowing where intimacy begins and not waiting until it is so intimate that we're too far gone, is a very healthy way of living. It doesn't change your lifestyle dramatically, but enhances it dramatically, and you come away more capable of relaxing, better able to be spontaneous, because you know that you can trust yourself. You've defined your borders. Now you can be free. It takes a load off your mind and it makes you a much more lovable person.

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Rabbi Manis Friedman & Simcha Werner Pesach with KMR

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